I really really really need something new

Posted by Stephan on February 20, 2010 under My Personal Therapy |

I’ve just read a blog post containing a koan/story about budhha … which I already knew, exepct that in the version I had read the main charactar wasn’t buddha. Not important. The important thing is that it made me realise that my life is lacking exitement and the urge to discover something new. It actually feels like that there isn’t anything new and interesting left for me to learn.

It’s not that I know everything or that there isn’t anything “new” left for me to expirience. But everything “new” I learn lacks the big AHA! effect - I am not surprised anymore.

Like quantenphysics. So a cat may be dead and alive at the same time, and a stuff can move through other stuff in an interesting way and you can only measure where something is or how fast it is going and everything that exists might be created from scratch every damn moment. Fascinating yes, but I’ve read it and thought about it and now … it stoped being something that suprises me. It’s not new anymore.

Or neurobiology. The brain creates the self and controls the perceived information and does 11000000 bit information while the self does 40 bit and the self is an illusion anyway and so on and so forth.

Philosophy. So many many many theories. And I haven’t read them all. Or psychology, or buddhism, or hinduism, or sociology, or esoteric, or shamanism, or human behavior. Well no. Especially human behavior is boring and dull.

Or other stuff like marketing. Or the internet. Take facebook. The concept wasn’t new. You have a profile and can add stuff that others can read. And twitter just a smaller compressed version of it. Yeah it changed human interaction and stuff. But it’s nothing new or suprising about it.

Or learning new mechanical stuff like riding a bike. Just as an example I do know how to ride a bike. The concept of learning such stuff is always the same. You start doing it, you repeat doing it and then you know how to do it. Yeah …

Not that stuff can’t be interesting. Or fun. It is just … well … nothing new. Not suprising. After a while of accumulating concepts they all bore down to different variations of each other.

Well maybe this is just some kind of mood swing but when I think back it’s a long way back that I had a moment where I was thinking “what a suprising and exiting new concept! cool!”. Not that I ever thought it exactly that way, but you get my meaning. Same old same old.

Interesting that even learning something new and exiting is probably the same concept every time too. Hmm. Yeah probably just a mood swing.

That … would have probably been the perfect ending but I am not at ease just yet. I just remembred thinking about a philosophical problem in the tramway, one of those that just can’t be solved. That was some years ago and I realised that I was thinking about it some years before. Like I was traped in a circle.

I really really really need to find something that excites and motivates me. Now writing this post and everything I’ve written starts to bore me. If anyone ever reads this … well if you have read this far it is your own fault if you got bored. Period. And now I am going to dig out this concept about everything being recreated every moment - my brain feels so underused.