Why It Is Ok To Trash Children From The Society Point Of View

Posted by Stephan on March 22, 2010 under Me Thinking, My Personal Therapy |

Although I was just recently thinking about deleting everything I’ve writen again, there just came something up I have to get off my chest.

The thought process startet when I realised that there is a way of feeling that I haven’t felt for a very long time now. To be precise a negative kind of feeling. There are some positive ones I haven’t felt for a long time neither but I don’t wanna think about that right now. But back to the negative one. I only felt this feeling when I had contact with my family … the bad part of it. And the last time I felt it was when I last seen them. It is the feeling of my parts freaking out. Well they do so without any contact too but not that intense. Like the difference between remembering a lion and standing right in front of one. And to my parts that’s exactly what the bad part of my family were to them - pretators. Beings you should be afraid of, pumping stress hormons into the body and being alert like hell, because you can never tell what they will do next.

But it only started there. The next thing I remembered was my time at the psychosomatic compartment at the hospital. I finally connected it to another problem. It was the same shit when I was send to therapists when I was a teenager. The message was that I was the psychopath. Not them. The stupid head doctor of the compartment even dared to judge me as a possible risk to others. That is just another nice sign of how sick our society really is. This doctor didn’t had a clue about me. Not. One. Single. Clue. Yes there has been a lot of aggression and hate inside me, which of course showed up. But I had spent years exercising to control them. Even then I already knew how to fight them, how to channel them into something else like destroying unimportant stuff or self injury. And I knew that out on the streets there where really really lot of people counting as normal with not even half the self control I had even then. And since then 8 years have past and the only things I did were some messages I left. Maybe devastating messages but no physical force. Unlike them.

And right there is the problem. The message was again. Something is wrong with you. Not with them. You can’t be trusted. Those people who snapped all the fucking time are alright. They don’t need to be here, you do. All they did was trashing little children and teenagers. Who cares about that? Socially viewed it is not very important. It is only a small peccadillo. That’s just how it is. If you can go to work and pay your taxes and play the role of a respected member of society, it is not important that you trash your children at home. Problems only occur if those children, as a result of the trashing, are to messed up to be able to play the role of a respected member of society. And if that happens they are the problem, not the people who trashed them. Our society as a whole just thinks shortsighted like that. Not only concerning this matter but about a lot of other very important stuff too.

There are a lot of important factors playing a role here, so you can dig deeper if you like. People doing the trashing (or whatever) of little kids usually have a higher status and more influence than the now grown up messed up psychological disturbed person. The have more money, they can afford the better laywers and so on. For example my family. And for this example I will take a branch that is not that close to me. The one of my aunt. Her husband, her children. What would they get if they would side with me? Nothing but trouble. After all I am mentally disturbed, I can’t leave my flat, I’m terminally ill (that’s what the doctors told me at least), can only eat certain foods and I have certain views about my parents and some of my siblings they neither want to share or even hear anything about. If they side with my parents it looks rather different. My parents are seen as respected members of society. My father was something high at the police, my mother was a secretary and is now doing a lot of work around my grand-someting-aunt Helene Maria Restituta Kafka who was beatified and helping out the nuns around this thingy. Of course my aunt doesn’t want to have a picture of my mother in her head as a raging and screaming monster trashing children. She has her own problems and in my mother someone to talk to. On bigger family gatherings my parents and the children coming along with them are an important part of the social group that is coming together on those occasions. And some of my cousins have children too. When my mother is holding them they don’t want to think of her as a children hitting monster. Whereas I was usually always only an attachment to my parents, not playing an important role at those occasions and couldn’t even attend because of my illness. I can’t blame them for taking side with my parents. Well I can. And I do. But that’s because of the general view. Let me explain. In the general view this kind of behavior adds taint to our sick and tainted society and makes it what it is. If I see it like that generally I can’t make an exception only because I consider them as nice. And it’s not an emotional kind of blaming but more of an intellectual blaming. A pointer to where part of the problem lies. After all there where only an example for the general behavior. In the very very very most cases people act exactly like that. Again. Our whole society works that way. It is understandable, but that doesn’t make it good. It is one of those disturbing aspects of society, were the picture society has of itself and how it is acting in reality are very different things. Even nice people and the doctors who are there to help you add to it. Maybe not all but definitly most of them. At least some people are adding more good stuff than negative stuff to it or so I’d like to think.

To add something positive at the end. I haven’t had a major breakdown for some time now. Long enough to be remarkable. I can’t remember a time where I felt that good that long. Well I still have smaller breakdowns and pain and still can’t leave my flat that easily but it’s a start at least. It could be much worse … and it was. So there is that. And that is it.