About

Alright. I think I am getting closer to what I want here.

First I want to tell you that I am really really fucked messed up. But more about that later. First I want to talk about this about and the whole page thingy here in general. And the problems I have with those things.

Theoretically I only want to write nice and positive stuff. But that is just not me. I hate that. But that is just the way it is and so I have to acept it. And I am not perfect so what I write wont be perfect either. I hate that too.

My solution to those problems is to tell you about them and to give all the negative aspects their own space. If I wouldn’t do that they would just try to sneak into all the positive stuff I try to write and mess everything up. Like denial and stuff, you know. If you suppress something it will just pop up even bigger.

So the plan is to accept that I am not perfect *sigh* and there is all this bad and negative stuff in my life, so that all the positive stuff there is has a chance to get out too.

Now about me. And all the messed up stuff I mentioned. Lets start with the easy part. My name. Stephan. Ok .. to just get it over with … I have crohn’s disease and a posttraumatic stress disorder. Done. Good.

All in all I handle those two things rather well. Which means that I’m not dead yet. And. That I start to have some time beside the illness and the distraction from the illness. In other words I am a bit less fucked messed up than I used to be.

If you have read all of this you now know about all the negative stuff getting in I was talking about. I am sooo ill blablabla. Well yes it sometimes seems to me that it is everything there is in my life. One of them counts as in-cure-able and the other one at least as very hard to cure. And both working together is really not nice at all. And if I would have writen that I’m feeling good and everything is fine it would have been a big fat lie. It’s not. But. It is not all there is.

So. About the stuff I want to write.

In “My Personal Therapy” I just want to write stuff to find out more about myself. Like diary style or something. Negative stuff must be allowed there.

“Arrogant Me” will be the space for letting my arrogant side out. Also to mark posts where I think there might be some of my arrogance shining through. Well many people are arrogant in one way or the other and a lot of them wont admit it. I don’t see the sense in that.

“Me Thinking” will be … well me thinking about stuff. But. In a letting some positive stuff happen kind of way. Probably will be marked as arrogant a lot.

Other categories will arise too and be added when they do. Since I often start to hate what I have writen this about will be edited a lot … as it has been in the past. I also deleted everything I’ve writen in the whole blog thingy rather often. So that might happen again too.

That said I have nothing to add at the moment.

Except for the diclaimer. Nearly forgotten about that. So how does that work. Lets see. Some stuff I write might contain my solutions with different problems or stuff like that. If you can get something out of it. Good for you. But. Me no therapist, no doctor or anything similiar - if you have a serious problem see one of those people.